Pushing the ‘Fuck It’ button

I regularly said ‘F it’ because I was miserable and drinking would put a plaster over my pain. Or so I thought. 

Until I was hanging on shift with beer fear, smelling like the five glasses of shite cab sav I downed in a bid to forget the trauma I felt I had suffered at work. 

My hangover would then heighten my emotions and lead to more despair and misery, driving me to push the button again the following day. And now we find ourselves in a pattern of short term reward craving which to be quite frank is a ROLLERCOASTER.

Stressed/drunk/happy/drunk/sad/tired/hungover/stressed/drunk/happy so on and so forth.

Now don’t get me wrong, my job was difficult and demanding from many angles, but my behaviour did not improve the situation. 

At this point, I would say (with hindsight on side) that I was self-medicating and in complete despair. I could not see the bigger picture or get any perspective on my life as I was just trying to make it through a shift to get to the pub, to slag off the shift to then repeat the cycle. 

What was I gaining from pushing that button? How much stress was I under? What drove me to drink myself to sleep? 

Pushing that button tells me I could not cope with my reality. I did not want to see the bigger picture probably because I didn’t like what I was living in. 

I am so certain I am not the only person who has gone through this ‘F it’ stage in their life or maybe feeling this as they read. So many examples run through my mind; ways I can try to excuse myself with ‘giving into peer pressure’ or ‘they bought it for me’ or ‘it was on the house I couldn’t say no’. But I knew exactly what I was doing. 

When we feel things like stress and anxiety it is our body’s way of telling us we are in danger and we MUST listen. 

Saying ‘F it’ means we are giving up and not dealing with our pain – we are trying to hide it with wine and in my case loud, brash behaviour, which I am actually glad I can’t remember. No good came from me saying ‘F it’ ever. 

About Author

Hello! I’m Beth! My role with So Lets Talk materialised from a conversation with Paddy - a few days into the announcement of the closure of business due to Covid-19. I was fizzing with ideas and enough passion to sink a ship, but no outlet and a world that had just gone into lockdown. I had made the choice to leave hospitality and pursue a new career in fitness, specifically focusing on movement patterns and repetitive strain in the hospitality industry. I have a strong sports background having played basketball (to a pretty high standard once upon a time!) and have always viewed the hours I have sweated out in hospitality as a sport, so made perfect sense to combine the two passions I have. My hospitality story is similar to the masses I imagine; a lot of hard work, a lot of wine, a lot of stress and a lot of friends made in the process. I have been lucky enough to work with some fantastic people in my experience in hospitality but have always been boggled by how we do it? Us hospitality folk - the elite. The superhumans of the working world (if you ask me). We work longer hours, for less money, under more stress, and look f’ing cool when we do it. But behind the scenes when we need to take the edge off to keep our customers smiling, we have become regulars in disregarding ourselves and our emotions. Enter - So Lets Talk - the platform we all knew we needed.

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