I think it’s really unfair that we are put against ‘standard societal norms’. All it does is create more anxiety for ourselves, and unrealistic expectations. We have too much choice which is both a blessing and a curse. One thing people don’t realise is, it’s OK to not know what you wanna do, who you are, or what you’re going to eat for dinner that night. We REALLY need to be reminded that it’s OK and make this a societal norm. Some people think there’s some sort of rush to have everything in life and there really isn’t. We’re not on a timeline and we all have the freedom to go at our own pace, which makes me question, why are we so obsessed with the ‘picture perfect life’?
One thing I noticed when I was single was, mothers, and other family members, can be a bit notorious when it comes to pressurising their daughters into getting into serious relationships. Especially when you’re in your mid-late 20s. And 30s I suppose. They want grandkids! They want to see you settled! They see it as a failure that you’re “left on the shelf”! I’m not talking for everyone here, my mother knows I’m absolutely fine by myself and has never pressured me into being with someone when I’m perfectly happy being on my own. I know the only reason she’d want me to be in a relationship is so there is someone to care for me and love me like I deserve (and to be fair, she probably does want grandkids too).
Going against the norm is actually quite liberating. I’m now 27 and I made a decision after being made redundant to not go back to a 9-5 office based job, but instead, start my own business in the middle of a pandemic. I’m not going to lie, I was terrified, but I also knew it was the right decision for me (trust your instinct, this is one of the most important life lessons I’ve learnt). Over the last couple of months, my views have changed to fuck the norm, and live life how you want to live it. Choose happiness, not normality.
We’re all guilty of waking up and living our life caring what other people think of us and the decisions that we make. We accept the status quo for what it is because everyone around us does. We often tip toe our way through life by doing things in order to please others, rather than what we believe in. Our lives eventually become moulded by how we think other people perceive us. Just writing this gives me a headache. It’s exhausting and it has to stop. Living a life that follows the ideal notions of what other people think is a terrible way to live. It makes you become a follower and someone who doesn’t take a stand for anything. As soon as I stopped giving a fuck about norms and what other people think, I became a lot happier. It’s your life, live it how YOU want. If you want to fall in love in 2 months, then do. If you want to move in with someone straight away, do it.
We go through days thinking about how other people might be judging us, when the truth is, those people are thinking the exact same thing. I came to the realisation of, no one actually gives a shit about what you’re doing. No one in today’s ‘smartphone crazed’ society has time in their schedule to think more than a brief second about us. A study done by the National Science Foundation claims that people have on average 50,000 plus thoughts a day. This means that even if someone thought about us, let’s say 10 times a day, it’s only 0.02% of their overall daily thoughts. It’s impossible to live up to everyone’s expectations, especially society’s. Think about the worst thing that could possibly happen when someone is judging you or what you’re doing. I guarantee that chances are, nothing will happen. Absolutely nothing. No one is going to go out of their busy lives to confront us, or even react for that matter. Start standing up for what you believe in, causes, opinions, anything. You’re going to have people that disagree with you anyway, so why not express how you truly feel?
Here’s how to not give a fuck what other people think
- Know your values.
You need to know what’s important to you in life, what you truly value and what you’re ultimately aiming for. Once you know who you really are, what other people think of you becomes significantly less important. You’ll stop saying yes to everything. Instead, you’ll learn to say no. - Put yourself out there.
This can be done in several ways, but not that you know your values, it’s time to put yourself out there! Whether that’s wearing something you want to that might be a little bit different, or asking someone out who you’ve fancied for ages. Be honest with yourself and live your life how you want. - Surround yourself with the right people.
I’m a MASSIVE advocate for this. Surround yourself with people who are self-assured, and live life without comprising their core values. These people will rub off on you quickly. Trust me. You are most like the 5 people you surround yourself with. If someone no longer serves you or has a negative impact on your life, it’s time disconnect and distance them.
So, a bit of a roundup. Fuck societal norms. Do what you want to do and what will make you happy. Live on your own timeline, not someone else’s (that’s mega important). Don’t give a fuck about what other people think of you and certainly don’t take it personally. I read a book called ‘The Four Agreements’ which talks about not taking things personally. It’s really helped me change my perspective on things. Give it a read. Start living life the way you want to, be fearless like you once were as a child, and always, always stand up for the truth. Someone has to hey!
