Take a minute and stop and listen to your own thoughts?
What exactly are they saying?
Are they positive or negative?
Researchers have shown that we have between 50,000 – 70,000 thoughts a day! And 80% of those are negative – that is a crazy amount!
We spend so much time telling ourselves we’re not good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough – we tell ourselves we don’t deserve the things we want. It’s a habit that we all have and instantly spring to and this negative talk slowly chips away at our self-worth without us even realising it.
A few examples to connect with – where have you struggled with this?
- During a job interview you choke; it didn’t go the way it was supposed to go. Negative thoughts set in big time, judgement piles in… “What did you say that for…?”
- When you’re feeling lonely, you end up reciting to yourself – “You’re such a loser, no one likes you, you’re stupid – blah blah blah…”
- Someone snaps at you, your brain automatically goes into the mode of – “See, no one likes you, everything’s your fault…”
- When the opportunity you went for fell through and you didn’t get it, the brain kicks in – “You suck!”
Yup I’ve been there – kicking myself when I’m down.
And even when you feel like you’re making progress, you’ve been healing some wounds to help manage your mind and emotions and not letting them rule your life. Then all of a sudden, you freak out and you’re thrown off guard and all this hard work seems to plummet down the drain. Then the ego kicks in again, “See! Told ya, you’re a nervous wreck, you’re an idiot…”
So, what do we do? How can we stop ourselves going from bad to worse?
Here’s a couple of mindful questions that I’ve found really useful:
- Would you talk to your best friend like that?
- Ask yourself – is this thought helpful?
Stop yourself in your own tracks and acknowledge that this thought is not motivating us to take productive action, it’s not helping us get back up after we’ve shot ourselves down. It doesn’t serve any purpose, plus, there is no way I would speak to my best friend like this – so why should I do this to myself?
Take a step back and allow yourself not to dwell on it any longer.
Just doing this once isn’t going to make us suddenly change our negative thought process – like anything in life we have to practice consistently to become better at it. It’s going to try and come back and knock on your door when you least expect it – remember, is it useful? Is it helpful? Would I speak to my best friend like that? If not, put it aside and move forward.
Moving from this space to radical self-love is a big jump. Begin with self-acceptance and feel compassion for yourself – this is a great place to start. During the first lockdown I wrote on my bathroom mirror in lipstick – I AM ENOUGH. Seeing this everyday subconsciously tricks our brain into feeling that we are enough too.
You are a container for joy, peace, creativity, confidence but if you allow worry in, it pushes out the peace. These negative thought patterns push out the positivity. You have a limited amount of room as it is and if you allow guilt to take space, that negative space doesn’t allow any room for the confidence you need to move forward.
Consciously changing your thoughts, feelings and actions to achieve your highest vision is a massive move to consciousness. Half of your life you are unconsciously unaware on a conscious level that your thoughts, words and deeds you have experienced is due to the aftermath of your thoughts – re-read that sentence again and let it settle in.
Think about the regular thoughts you have…
- Why am I always single?
- Why am I so overweight?
- Why am I always skint?
Stop unconsciously living – give no place to guilt, bitterness or worry. You control what’s in your container – everything we do in life is a choice, our choice! What you choose to let in, whether it be negative or positive emotions and feelings – is your choice.
Start to live by your own mantra – I am not going to give this space and poison my life. I’m going to protect what I allow in me.
Previously it has felt good to carry grudges – turn it on its head and don’t allow it to sour your day. Don’t hold onto the events – it’s only hurting you, nobody else.
Being offended is not harming them – it’s harming you!
It’s taking up valuable space for the good things that help you move towards your destiny – don’t allow worry in.
Check every thought word and action – move away from those that don’t serve you.
Ask yourself – What is your highest vision of your life?
Write it down, visualise it.
When you say a thing that is out of alignment of your grandest idea – make a note out loud to not say it again.
When you do something that is misaligned with your best intention – make it your last time.
When the impurities come – don’t let it stay – keep your head and heart pure. Step up to a new level with more joy, peace, healing, wholeness and the fullness of your destiny.
New results = new actions!
Certain negative emotional states dominate us – anxiety, fear of failure etc – notice how you behave differently to when you’re feeling courageous.
To change behaviour, you have to change the emotional state you’re in.
How do you do that when you don’t feel like it? This can feel really overwhelming!
Change your state and make radical changes in your physiology. When we’re down, our body is normally slumped, our head is down, breathing is shallow, we speak slowly and quiet – don’t just think your way there, change it up!
When we’re upbeat, our shoulders are back and breathing is deeper. This fires off a different biochemist in you. Really tap into your superhero here, also known as power positions.
Change into your Wonder Woman or Superman pose – stand up straight with your hands on your hips, shoulders back and heart open. Breathe long and deep for 2 minutes.
This helps to increase testosterone by 20%, drop cortisol (stress levels) by 22% and you’re 33% more likely to take action – this produces more certainty which gets you to take different and more positive actions.
Change focus by asking better questions – what are you proud of?
Close your eyes and focus on how you feel when you’re really proud – how are you breathing – what are the feelings? Are you smiling?
What are you really grateful or excited about – think of a person or moment that you’re excited about? Close your eyes and focus on what can excite you and feel like it’s really exciting you. How do you breathe when you feel really excited? Let yourself make a noise of excitement, like a kid at Christmas!
When you change the state you’re in by changing the focus of both your mind and body, it’s such a radical change. Be the way you want to be – it’s that simple but always that far away.
Write down your new mantra. Start with I AM in front of each positive quality to really own it. Become the highest version of yourself and say it to yourself every morning when you wake up and before you go to bed and watch the changes that YOU make, unfold!